did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
