I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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