im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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