I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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