Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
