Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
