The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
