so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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