He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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