why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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