dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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