Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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