No stitches, just platelets and will power
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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