1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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