Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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