Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
