one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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