4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
