Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
