just tell him i said nine months
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
