Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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