I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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