I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
