trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
porn star boner night. come get it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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