i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
