Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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