I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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