Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
