I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
