I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
