so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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