Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
