lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
