so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
