I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot