Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT