Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
