i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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