The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
