and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
