My balls are so social today.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
