I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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