my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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