I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
