I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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