The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
