I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
