Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
