made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
