He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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