Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
