they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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