Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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