your parents love me but you hate me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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