My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
