plz talk dirty to me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
