Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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