She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
