He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
