your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
