dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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