I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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