maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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