Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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