Nicole vs. Life
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
