I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
