I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
