She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
