You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
