Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
