i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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